Since I announced that I went to treatment at Renfrew Florida yesterday to the entire world via Facebook, I've had such an amazing and positive response. But there's a catch.
I can't tell if it's the focus on the eating disorder or me second-guessing the decision the publicize my deepest, darkest secrets, but last night and today have been difficult. I had several slip-ups after dinner and snacks last night and feel a very strong urge to restrict today. As I type this, I'm taking my lunch break to walk several miles under the guise of getting coffee. I feel anxious about the fact that I'm really hungry right now after my usual breakfast and that I'm in my usually full office by myself today. In the past, and even last week, I'd always eat and purge through days like this after restriction all day.
I've come to the conclusion while writing this post though, that I'm not going to do that. Instead, coffee and confidence in hand, I'm going to march into Publix and get whatever Katie (that's me) wants on her veggie wrap. If it's hard as hell, that's okay because I'll remember that I'm now accountable to my 600+ facebook friends, family, and coworkers. When I go to the gym after work, I will not consider every bit of exercise in mile equivalents. I will work up a sweat if my overused knee doesn't put up too much of a fuss and then... I'll go home, shower, and not think twice about calories in and calories out.
I also just reached out to several friends to organize dinner out tonight. That's what I have in store for you, ya pain in the ass eating disorder. This vent really helped! Thanks for listening, blogmosphere and happy weekend!
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