The truth about slip-ups

This is going to be a very self-serving post. I've had a really difficult two days and I want to really dig deep and explore what's at the root of these slip-ups. 

First, a little background and morw of an update on my life after residential than my last post. I'm back at school which is a gentle way to say, I went back to my normal life and professional routine wayyyy fast after leaving residential. Perhaps I overestimated my progress, basing my success off those first couple of honeymoon weeks after Renfrew. Every weekday, I get up at 7:00 am, a much different story than my alcoholic past. I feel great when I wake up, kiss my boyfriend, let the dog out, take a shower, make a tea latte with soy milk, and get my wet-haired unmade-up self to my office at school before 8. The usual routine is to eat my fruit and oatmeal for breakfast around 9:30 when my appetite really kicks in. After fooding, I do my thing (which, this week, is reviewing journal articles for my systematic review to comprise chapter 1 of my dissertation) until it's time to get the hook up for lunch with a Publix veggie wrap, complete with cheese and mayo oh my. This fills me up and keeps me thinking and performing well until my afternoon snack around 3:30 or 4.

At the end of the work day, it's off to the races. Literally. I sprint around town in the every day more beautiful weather for 30-45 minutes (okay, I admit it's 6.2 miles) every day. I go to my boyfriend's apartment which has become home base full time, unless I have a support group or social function. No drinking. Eating enough to appear to be eating. Accidentally purge. Still too damn good at it. Getting better. Slip. Back. Down.

So. I trick myself into cheating through my day and I wonder how I could get so off track while following the rules? I'm on the eliptical now, at 8:50 on a Friday night, after purging everything but breakfast today, and I'm going to figure this out once and for all. There is no such thing as compensation during recovery, no half-assing, no bending of rules. Tomorrow I do 100!%.