Support is all around you

Today has been up and down and sideways and backwards and forwards and all around. It's almost hard to believe it's the same day that started off with such a strong 6.5 mile run at 6:55 am.

At treatment, I've found meal plan B to be do-able. Boosts, on the other hand, are certainly going to take some getting used to. Today, I managed to forgo Boost until afternoon snack which occurs immediately before departing, thus problematic to say the least to a prolimic. Particularly one keen on purging liquids. Chug Boost, say goodbyes, bring Boost (with most of today's lunch of cheesey, buttery, broccoli baked potato and apple) right back up in a gas station bathroom.

I cannot let this happen regularly, or at all moving forward.Today was too much at once... a bump up in the meal plan, the addition of Boosts, a baked potato lunch that racks up a whopping 1300 calories without butter, and a number to the goal weight - 115. Woof.

Regardless of the major fail after treatment, I can pick myself up and recognize that several important, positive things also happened.

1. My individual therapist commended my progress and let me know the treatment team will be discussing how I progress from here - if it's nearing time to bump back down to outpatient. Finger's crossed here.
2. Masks today in art therapy! Behold the transformation from Vaseline face to mask! 
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
3. After treatment, I met with the director of one of my doctoral programs (I'm in two - Nutrition and Health Sciences is my "home" program, and also Molecules to Mankind, geared to those interested in translational research). Anyway, the director responded to an email I sent announcing that I'm taking a leave of absence from school and voiced concern. It became clear through our correspondence that she's also suffered from disordered eating for years. She's also an overexerciser. We chatted for an hour over coffee and I feel like I've gained a great source of support, knowledge, and experience. 

Steps backward seem to be accompanied by small steps forward at this point. If the weight gain is the only barrier between staying in day treatment and bumping down to outpatient, I'm just going to have to suck it up. Here's to a better tomorrow and no more baked potatoes for a long, long time.