Momentum

I'm scared to write this already today in order to not jinx what I'm feeling right now, but I'm still riding an awesome wave of motivation. I think a lot of this has to do with overcoming a rough week last week and beginning of the weekend, but separating myself from slip-ups and getting back on track. I think dealing with backwheeling in a positive, motivating way shows significant progress in overall recovery. We've also had several lovely additions to the day treatment group yesterday and today, rescuing us from a group of two last week.

I'm feeling so much progress during day treatment. Much more than I expected so quickly. Here's how a day looks like for me:

7:00 am - run my 6 glorious, wonderful and allotted miles. It's still dark and chilly outside at the beginning of my run, an awesome and motivational atmosphere.

8:10-8:45 am - drive to treatment, sipping hot tea, and worrying slightly about making weight.

9-9:45 - breakfast. Before every meal, we do a hunger/anxiety rating. 0 corresponds to starving and 10 to enormously full for hunger, 0 to completely calm and 10 to get me the fuck out of here anxiety. I start most mornings with a 7/2. Not hungry,  not anxious, but finish 100% of my meal and move on with my day.

9:45-12:40 - group, snack, group.

12:40-1:30 - lunch. Today my stomach growled around 12:30, even after breakfast and a snack. This is true progress in the girl who didn't eat before 2:30 pm a few weeks ago.

1:40-2:40 - group, then it's time to leave.

After day treatment, I know to keep myself busy. Today, for example, I had a meeting with a leading eating disorders research scientist about a project I'm just starting on to increase my experience in the field. It's my goal to land a post-doc in eating disorders, so this opportunity is extremely important to my future career and invaluable motivation to get through treatment and fix myself ASAP.

Another key aspect of my renewed sense of motivation is the group composition during treatment. One of the girls who started yesterday really came out of her shell today and the other very poor soul who started yesterday was moved to residential. She was not in a good place and really affected group morale yesterday. Today, another new woman started. She's in her 30s with 5-year old twins and a husband, and a raging bulimic (self description). She also battles multiple addictions and this is her first bout of treatment. I love her already and forsee a lot of awesome and relevant and mature discussion with her in group.

As you can tell, I'm feeling good. 100% of meals at treatment and dinner to boot. I do continue to struggle with sobriety and overexercise (I write this from the eliptical), but my head hasn't seen the inside of the toilet in going on 3 days. Recovery is a choice, and I'm making it. And sticking to it.